


The Diary of Lane

by brokenhighways



Category: Smallville, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Diary/Journal, Epistolary, F/M, Gen, High School, Humor, Off-screen Relationship(s), Snark, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:46:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29191755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: The behind the scenes of the beginning of Clark and Lois's friendship (told via a series of texts, emails and journal entries). Based on Smallville.
Relationships: Clark Kent/Lana Lang, Clark Kent/Lois Lane
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9
Collections: Clois (Smallville)





	The Diary of Lane

**Author's Note:**

> My favourite character is Lois Lane, who was criminally underused on the show, so I started writing a simple back and forth text messages with Clark drabble and then...It grew into this. 
> 
> There may be more (Season 7 definitely needs a behind the scenes look at our dynamic duo!).

**_2004 - 2005_ **

From: “Lois Lane” <loislane@thedigitalwave.com>

To: “Clark Kent” <clarkkent@thedigitalwave.com>

Subject: CHLOE SULLIVAN

Hello?

EARTH TO CLARK! Unless you’ve been abducted by aliens, you better have a good excuse for not getting back to me. This is my fifth time emailing you. I’ve decided to drive to Smallville and personlly hunt u down.

Consider this your fair warning.

Lois.

*

Lois to Chloe: I can't believe that you're gone. Whch is probably why I'm textn the phone of my dead cousin. Ugh. I'm going to find out what happened to you. I promise.

*

Lois to Chloe: I figured that guy you were always going on about would be helpful but nope.

Lois to Chloe: Oh you would get a keck out of this! Met your buddy Clark and he was starkers. I'm talking full body, Clark Jr on view and everything. The works. I can see why you've been so hung up on him. He's kinda werd, tho.

*

_Hi. I'm Lois Lane, and if you're reading this, I've probably moved again, and inevitably left something behind. Like my last journal. By that I mean journal and not a diary. More like a series of notes and non-bird brained thoughts and it definitely was not pink sparkly._

_Anyway, at the moment I'm in Smallville, Kansas. Or should I say Weirdville, Kansas?_

_What else can you call a place where the first thing you do is stumble upon a naked guy in a cornfield? And then find out that said naked guy is your cousin's best friend/crush? And also your cousin is presumed dead because her safe house blew up?_

_And weird naked cornfield guy says she's not really dead and I believe him somehow?_

_You bet your ass I'm documenting this._

*

Lois to Clark: Do you own anything that isn't plaid? Btw, I'm borrowing your shert.

Clark to Lois: You realize a) you have a serious issue spelling simple words and b) you didn't have to 'borrow' my shirt if you don't like it

Lois to Clark: I never said I didn't like it.

*

_Chloe is alive. Thank God! I thought I was destined to walk the beat with Clark forever. Altho, I guess he's not so bad. And the main thing is that my cousin is okay._

*

Clark to Lois: Thank you for your help.

Clark to Lois: With Chloe, I mean. Finding her.

Lois to Clark: Don't mention it, Smallville. Just try not to lose her again, okay?

*

Clark to Pete: So, you know how Chloe's loudmouth cousin has been staying with us? She's the worst.

Pete to Clark: I bet she is.

Clark to Pete: Dude, she steals my shirts. She steals my breakfast. She stole my ROOM! She's always making fun of me. Oh, and worst of all my mom LOVES her.

Pete to Clark: You have a hot girl living under your roof and you're complaining? Priorities, man. Besides, I thought you'd be hung up on Lana’s Paris fling.

Clark to Pete: No one said anything about her being hot

Pete to Clark: Yeah, yeah, I've seen what she looks like

Clark to Pete: Right now my hatred for Lois is all I can think about.

Pete to Clark: Sounds like you like her to me.

Clark to Pete: I do NOT!

Pete to Clark: Don't forget to invite me to the wedding!

Clark to Pete: The sun will turn red before that happens.

*

_According to Daddy, I don't have enough credits to go to Met U. Which means I have to go to high school and stay with The Kents. You know, the family with the weird naked guy I saw when I first came to Smallville. They're not so bad (weird son and all). Lots of non-verbal conversations, but I don't mind. It's kind of cool to be in a nuclear family and watch them interact (and pretend I belong). And in a way, I get to be at a school where I have friends (hey, Chloe counts!)._

_Not that I'll ever admit this out loud._

*

Lois to Clark: If you breathe a word about me hanging out by the bleachers with the smokers to anyone, I will kill you.

Clark to Lois: Fine. I'll give you my terms and conditions later.

Lois to Clark: Very funny, Smallville.

Clark to Lois: I'm not joking. Besides. What would Gen. Lane say if he knew how many days you've cut so far?

Lois to Clark: You wudnt.

Clark to Lois: Oh but I would.

*

_Chloe convinced me to write an article for the school paper and I figured why not? It would be something to commemorate my very short stay in high school. Well, if you're reading this, I'm about to pretend that I want plastic surgery for the sake of the article. If my suspicions are confirmed then this doctor is responsible for Freddy Kruegering people via her daughter - and I might be walking right into the lion's den. Wish me luck!_

*

Lois to Clark: You know, you didn't have to burst into that lab like that.

Clark to Lois: You're welcome?

Lois to Clark: As I recall, I saved you too.

Clark to Lois: Thank you, Lois.

Lois to Clark: No need to get all emo on me, Smallville. Especially after I got you all wet earlier.

Clark to Lois: FYI, I *let* you dunk me. Guess the guys at the base *did* teach you well.

Lois to Clark: Sure you did, farm boy. Don't you have a traktor to fix? Some of us have homework to do.

Clark to Lois: You haven't done homework since 7th grade. At least not outside of detention.

Lois to Clark: How do you know that?

Clark to Lois: Chloe talks about you a lot.

Lois to Clark: And you remembred? Careful, Smallville, we wouldn't want u to fall for me. I don't have the time for it.

Clark to Lois: Yeah, right. Like I'd ever be crazy enough to do that.

*

Clark to Pete: Is it weird that Lois and I had a...'moment'?

Pete to Clark: Define moment

Clark to Pete: She dunked me today after school at the pep rally, and for a second, it was like I felt free? And then she ruffled my hair and I splashed her and we...smiled at each other. Like, goofy grins, lots of eye contact. I haven't felt like that since...I don't even know when.

Pete to Clark: Is this real life? Clark crushing on a girl that ISN'T Lana?

Clark to Pete: I'm not crushing on her. I... maybe, I don't hate her after all? It was super weird.

Pete to Clark: Like I said, bro. Invite me to the wedding. :P

*

_... just when I think this place can't get any weirder, jocks are carrying their girlfriend's books and acting like the testosterone has been drained out of their tiny---well, anyway. It's been weird. Weirder than usual! And of course, Clark is on the football team now. I kind of liked it when he was Chloe's dorky friend who worked on the paper, but he's definitely in his element._

_Still..._

_I wonder if he knows that Lana is secretly hooking up with his football coach?_

*

_I just witnessed Chloe, who has been obsessed with journalism since she could talk, quit the school paper to devote her life to Clark. Seriously, what is it with this town?_

_What is it with Clark Kent?_

*

Lois to Clark: WTF did you do to Chloe?

Clark to Lois: ??? Didn't you ask me this already? What now?

Lois to Clark: While you were busy playing qwarteback it's like she hit her head and suddenly decided she's in love with you

Clark to Lois: Okay, even you have to know that's not how you spell quarterback.

Clark to Lois: And I don't know, a lot of weird things have been happening lately

Lois to Clark: Gee, ya think, Smallville? Fix it. Or do you need me to do everything?

*

_It turns out the kids at Smallville High are experts at chemistry. Who knew?_

_Anyway, Clark somehow convinced Lex Luthor to put in a good word for me at Met U and Lois Lane is officially off to college._

_I guess it pays to have a billionaire on the speed dial._

*

Lois to Clark: Nice job yestarday, Smallville. I didn't think you had it in you.

Clark to Lois: I know how to keep a girl interested! Especially the crazy ones.

Lois to Clark: …and the Scooby gang saved the day!

Lois to Clark: Oh and guys like you don't have to try, Smallville. If anything, the miracle is that you didn't wet yourself when that cheerleader was all over you.

Clark to Lois: You know how you said you'd visit now you're at Met U? Don't.

Lois to Clark: You say the sweetest things.

Lois to Clark: ...but like I said, I will be around to make sure you don't hurt Chloe.

Clark to Lois: I'd never hurt her.

Lois to Clark: Smallville, when a girl likes you and you don't like her back, all you're doing is hurting her.

Clark to Lois: Her friendship means too much to me to mess it up. With Pete gone, she's all I have.

Lois to Clark: Fine. I will be keeping an eye on you, though.

Clark to Lois: How close of an eye?

Lois to Clark: Remind me to kick your ass next time I'm in town.

*

Clark to Lois: Can I ask you a question?

Lois to Clark: You just did.

Clark to Lois: Nvm

Clark to Pete: So, Lana has a new boyfriend

Pete to Clark: Clark, I love you like a brother, but I'm all Lana Langed out. You'll survive. Trust me.

Clark to Pete: Sorry.

Lois to Clark: Smallville???

Clark to Lois: What would you do if someone who you cared a lot about moved onto someone else... but that person was... in a unique position?

Lois to Clark: I take it Lana and Coach Green Eyes finally got sloppy?

Clark to Lois: You knew?

Lois to Clark: My fantasy wrestling name isn't Lois "The Pitbull" Lane for nothing, Smallville.

Clark to Lois: what do I do? Should I tell someone? Talk to Lana? Or confront Jason?

Lois to Clark: The best advice I can give you is to stay out of it, Clark. I can guarantee that Lana won't be happy if you butt in

Clark to Lois: Okay…

Lois to Clark: Tell your mom I say hi! And that if she wants to FedEx me some of her apple pie, I wouldn't say no.

Clark to Lois: Will do. Thanks, Lois.

Pete to Clark: You okay, bro? Sorry if I was a jerk before. You want to talk about it?"

Clark to Pete: It's okay, Pete. Thanks.

*

Lois to Clark: I hear congratulations are in order. From body swapping to a scholarship at Met U!

Lois to Clark: No witty comeback?

Lois to Clark: Smallville?

*

Clark to Lois: Sorry, I've not been responding. It's been a crazy couple of weeks. Thanks, though.

Lois to Clark: No worries.

Lois to Clark: Oh! Chloe's birthday is coming up and I found the perfect gift. 

Clark to Lois: Uh...That's great.

Lois to Clark: Yeah, yeah.I need your help. I figure it can be form both of us. It's probably better than the lame candle set you were going to give her.

Clark to Lois: How did you... are you stalking me?

Lois to Clark: No, but I am cool with your mom. ;)

Clark to Lois: Something which saddens me every day.

Lois to Clark: Can it, Smallville. Are you free to come to Metropolis this weekend? I found an antique typewriter. It's the same model that Chloe's idol used.

Clark to Lois: Are you talking about Nellie Bly?

Lois to Clark: I think that's her name. Anyway, are you in?

Clark to Lois: Huh. I just assumed you'd buy her something Lois-ish. Like a studded belt. Or rhinestone cowboy boots.

Lois to Clark: After the last couple of years she's had, I decided to get her something special.

Clark to Lois: That's nice of you... I wish I could have been as thoughtful

Lois to Clark: And waste precious time NOT thinking about Lana? That'll be the day.

*

… _let's add weird memory gaps and confusion to the list of things that have happened since I first came to Smallville. And something about witches?_

_God help us all._

*

Lois to Clark: I hear you survived that Scarecrow moment in Smallville last week.

Clark to Lois: What exactly did Chloe tell you?

Lois to Clark: Enough that I'm glad I had a term paper to write and couldn't visit

Clark to Lois: You mean *not* write.

Lois to Clark: Ha ha ha. So, what *is* Clark Kent's deepest fear?

Clark to Lois: So Chloe told you everything

Clark to Lois: What's your deepest fear?

Lois to Clark: I don't know. Growing up as a military brat, I guess it was that I'd wake up one day and realize I was alone and everyone had left me behind.

Clark to Lois: Was?

Lois to Clark: Yeah... now.. I'm not so sure. C'mon what's yours?

Clark to Lois: That people will never accept me for who I am.

Lois to Clark: Oh, Smallville. Life tip for you - people are the worst. All that matters bis that you accept yourself, flaws and all. And hey, I accept you for the dorky, geeky farm boy that you are. What more do you need?

Clark to Lois:... did you just say something nice about me?

Lois to Clark: No.

Clark to Lois: :D

*

_According to Chloe, Smallville ran off to Vegas and got married - to some floozy who tried to kill him and Lana no less! Hahaha! If I wasn't dangerous close to flunking college, I'd drive down to Smallville for the free show. Who knew he had it in him?_

_Hahaha haha ha._

*

Lois to Clark: Clark Kent getting a quickie marriage at 17. The world really is upside down.

Clark to Lois: Don't you have college things to do?

Lois to Clark: Honestly, mocking your love life is much more interesting. Besides, your mom wanted me to talk to you.

Clark to Lois: Oh dear God.

Lois to Clark: Relax, Clark. I told her that if she looked up 'responsible' in the dictionary, she'd find a picture of you. Even if you *do* have your moments.

Clark to Lois: Thanks.

Clark to Lois: Speaking of dictionaries, your spelling has been much better of late!

Lois to Clark: Joke all you want, farm boy. One word to Mrs. K and your dad will be giving you the talk about the birds and bees.

Clark to Lois: I hate you.

Lois to Clark: :D

*

_Chloe has been going on and on about Clark dating this Alicia chick (although, let's face it, she's biased) and I finally decided to visit and see what the fuss was about. Kinda put my foot in it at karaoke last night, but... honestly? Clark seems to genuinely like her and he's usually a good judge of character._

_That being said, this is Smallville. Something weird is bound to happen._

*

Clark to Lois: Tim Westcott? Really? Thought you'd be too mature for us lowly high schoolers.

Lois to Clark: What? He seems nice. And Chloe has a big mouth. Shouldn't you be worried about your girlfriend? 

Clark to Lois: I don't think I can call her that anymore... She's mad at me.

Lois to Clark: Smallville...

Lois to Clark: Hey! Forget what I said about Tim. He's a complete weirdo. Call me when you get this. I need to tell you something.

Lois to Clark: I think Tim is dangerous! STAY AWAY FROM HIM!

*

_You know how you have those movies where the main girl is unlucky in love? That's me. I agreed to go out on a date with this skeeze because it seemed like no wasn't on the menu (and hello, it's ALWAYS on the menu, must always remember that) and he turns out to be a psychopathic killer._

_Way to go, Lane._

_Luckily I was there to stop Clark from doing something terrible and killing the guy. I think a part of him feels bad that he didn't believe in her, but…_

_If you ask me? He knew deep down that he couldn't._

_*_

Lois to Clark: I tried calling, but your mom says you're not ready to talk to anyone. I'm so sorry about what happened. I know how much you cared about Alicia.

Clark to Lois: It wasn't your fault. In the end, you were the only one who figured it out *and* you stopped me from…

Clark to Lois: Stopped me from doing something stupid.

Lois to Clark: That's what I'm here for, Smallville. Don't mention it.

*

Clark to Lois: Will there ever be a day when you don't use up all the hot water?

Lois to Clark: ... this coming from the guy who takes marathon showers?

Clark to Lois: I really don't.

Lois to Clark: Uh-huh. Just yesterday I made it through an entire CD in the time you were in there.

Clark to Lois: This is MY house. I can take as long as I want.

Lois to Clark: So much for the denials

Clark to Lois: Whatever

*

_….well guys, I'm officially back in Smallville. Turns out college wasn't for me after all. Oh, and Clark Kent saved my life (again) and gave up a scholarship to Met U for whatever reason. My ears are still ringing from Daddy's ear bashing. At least The Kents have graciously allowed me to stay with them again._

_... let's hope things don't get too weird._

*

From: “Lois Lane” <loislane@thedigitalwave.com>

To: “Clark Kent” <clarkkent@thedigitalwave.com>

Subject: What's up Smallville?

Your parents are freaking out because of the message you left them.

China? Did you really go to China, or were you super high?

Either way, I'm good at this kind of stuff, so let me know if you need an excuse to sell them later.

And bring me back a fortune cookie. The ones in the US are clearly not meant to be taken seriously. You know the last cookie I opened said 'one day you will fly amongst the stars in the sky'. Talk about vague!

*

_So, just when things were starting to get normal (ish), Lucy, my pain in the ass baby sis, called asking for a place to stay. We've been down this road before and it never ends well._

_Note to self: Bacon is not your friend._

*

Lois to Chloe: Hurricane Lucky incoming

Chloe to Lois: Huh?

Lois to Chloe: Hurricane Lucy!

Chloe to Lois: What trouble is she in now?

Lois to Chloe: Who knows? I'm going to have to persuade the Kents to let her stay here.

Clark to Chloe: You didn't tell me Lois was such an excellent cook. She made our bacon extra crispy this morning.

Clark to Chloe: Oh and I didn't know she had a sister.

Chloe to Clark: Word of the wise? Stay away from Lucy. Lois's overprotective mode is NOT pretty.

Lois to Clark: Hey, bright eyes, if I catch you eyeing up my sister again I'll cut holes into your plaid shirts and burn that stupid red jacket of yours.

Clark to Lois: Whoa! I wasn't eyeing her up! If anything, I was too busy reeling from when you punched me in the arm.

Lois to Clark: Boohoo, Romeo. You've been warned.

*

_It turns out that Lucy and I were long overdue for a sisterly conversation... and that she's not a little girl anymore. I thought I was the troublemaker? She's ten times worse!_

_Clark seems to think she has some redeemable qualities which counts for something. Apparently, he and I are friends now._

_I wonder how that happened._

*

Lois to Clark: You know out of all the strange things that have happened in Smallville, you taking me to the prom is the weirdest.

Clark to Lois: In my defense, you demanded that I take you (even if you were possessed).

Lois to Clark: Yeah, well... as awful as I find these high school rites of passage, I didn't hate it. The parts I remember anyway. Something tells me there are worse prom dates I could have had.

Clark to Lois: Be careful, Lois. If you say one more nice thing, the universe might explode.

Lois to Clark: Bite me, Smallville.

*

_Working at the Talon is…fun. It's like I'm setting down roots, but I don't know, I need something more._

_Although, life here is never boring. This week, I got my memory wiped and had the register emptied right under my nose._

_Next thing I know, Smallville has full blown amnesia just like when I met him._

_I have a feeling Clark wasn't entirely honest about what happened, yet somehow it's just...Clark._

_The memory wipe? Just your regular Smallville occurrence!_

*

Lois to Clark: Remember me?

Clark to Lois: Something tells me I'll never forget

Lois to Clark: What really happened at Sunmerholt?

Clark to Lois: What do you mean? You were there. You saw what happened. The main thing is that Chloe is safe.

Lois to Clark: Hmm. I suppose you're right. Speaking of Chloe, I'm not sure if we should be texting each other.

Clark to Lois: It's not like we're in communication 24/7.

Lois to Clark: Call it a guilty conscience, but we live together. We can say anything we need to say in person

Clark to Lois: You're the boss.

*

_Graduation._

_Something I've never really experienced, but I guess I will now through Clark and Chloe. Well. If Clark makes it to graduation. There's been a lot of hushed whispers about how Clark's going to Central Kansas University so he can help his parents on the farm. Usually, I'd have some snarky take on that...But it's textbook Clark. Makes me wonder why his parents are so upset._

_They’re lucky to have such a sweet son._

*

_Smallville High must have a great academic record because I can't understand what sane parent would send their kids here._

_This time, some weird kid went out of his way to build a replica high school because he didn't want to leave._

_He should have come to me and I'd have given him some tips on how to flunk your last year of high school and relive senior year all over again._

_Jeez._

  
  


*

Lois to Clark: You know, I thought finding you stark naked in a cornfield would be the weirdest moment of my life, but that Truman freakshow has to be the weirdest yet.

Clark to Lois: C'mon. A High school senior not wanting to leave high school isn't exactly out there

Lois to Clark: It is when he starts turning people into statues... in a 100% accurate replica of Smallville High.

Clark to Lois: What happened to not texting?

Lois to Clark: I realised this is better than being seen with you.

Clark to Lois: Funny.

*

_The day has come. Daddy has enlisted me to find Lucy (guess I'm not useless after all!). It'll be bittersweet leaving The Kent Farm. Even though Clark is here and leaving him is not a hardship. At all. Still, they've become a second family to me._

_I'm going to miss them._

*

Lois to Clark: I’m really glad I don't have to be around for Clark and Lana, part 53. Try not to ruin it this time, Romeo.

Clark to Lois: I’m really glad you’re leaving.

Lois to Clark: Don’t worry, Smallville. When I get back from Europe, I’ll be around to kick your ass.

Clark to Lois: I’d like to see you try. :)


End file.
